Things on my mind

Nightmares

2010-04-29T10:55:00.003-06:00

So last night, after gourging myself on sushi, I had some terrible nightmares. I've always had vivid dreams, some bad, some good, and have decided to blog all my dreams.

04/28/2010

First dream: Jesse and I were sleeping, our little dogs at our side as they always are when Jesse got a phone call. A man, with a very deep voice was advising us that no matter what time zone he was in, he knew what we were doing. Our apartment wasn't the one we currently live in, but an old house converted into apartments.

Upon recieving this phone call I jumped out of bed and turned on the lights. I ventured into the living room where I noticed that the front door was open. Panicked, I instructed Jesse to grab the boys, we were leaving. He did so and when we went outside our neighbors (nobody recognizable) were all outside with unusually zombie like swaggerts. They too were panicked. Did they get the same phone call? I don't know.

We jumped into the volvo which soon turned into this old ford station wagon we owned about a year ago. I put the pedal to the metal and we were off to his Mom's house where I knew there were a stockpile of guns to use. BUT, just as we were about to turn onto her road I noticed in the rearview mirror there was man in the back seat with a mask on. A mask similar to the one the dark haired woman wore in The Strangers. In his hand a knife. Not a little knife or a butcher knife but a huge cutting knife like the one I spent $13 on at Wal-Mart. He held it up and I screamed. Jesse took the wheel as I swurved and the man started to stab me in the hand. I remember being able to feel everything, the sting and the dripping of blood down my hand.

I reached out and slid my hand down the knife in order to grasp it from him, with much success as I was soon plunging it into his abdomen. I ripped his mask off to find a young teenage boy, scared out of his mind according to the look on his face. He told me that the man (the one from the phone) had put him up to this. I felt bad and caressed his face, apologizing. The blood from my hands smeared his cheeks and matted his hair. But then his gestures changed. A sinister grin appeared on his face and I realized that he was the perpetrator after all.

Without saying anything I telepathically said he needed help and was sucked into his memory of Jack, Just Jack (the guy from Will & Grace and also his counselor) talking to him. In my mind he told me that he did get helped, but his helper had been raping him. Then I awoke, grasping at air. I must have been holding my breath. It took a while to get back to sleep but eventually I did and stumbled onto dream #2.

Dream 2: I was working with the elderly, as I'm getting ready to do for my externship. But there was a strange occurance to all who dialed 911 for help. Before the paramedics could arrive, a strange van with a sign that said "Jones Crematorium" would arrive. In my mind I knew they were here to take the man I was currently helping. They didn't care that his heart was tachycardic and he just needed a jolt to make him right. They wanted him anyway. The women who came would have just let him die. The feeling that they've done this before overwhelmed me, but they asked me if I was his physician. I lied and said yes and listened to his rapid heartrate with my Littman cardiology stethoscope in lavendar.

I reached for the "zap kit" to get his heart pumping right and connected the leads, rather fast too because I don't recall doing it. I told one of the ladies to press the shock button, but she just stood there. She didn't care and I was pissed. So I pressed it myself and his heartrate adjusted. Upon his breath they were gone and shortly after I awoke.

Dream 3: Very short this dream was. I was in my apartment (not the one from the first dream, but my actual apartment). People outside in masks were running around scaring the daylights out of the people around them. A girl approached my sliding glass door (rather odd concidering we're on the 3rd floor) and I asked her to stop, that she was going to give people a heart attack. My heart was pounding so hard, I could feel it, even in my dream. I touched my chest to check it out and she laughed at me. When I awoke my heart was pounding out of my chest.

So I wonder if these dreams were caused by indigestion, or a crazy imagination. The third dream seemed to be a strange combo of the first two. Maybe it's anxiety, maybe it's the fact that I still feel guilt about what happened to my sister years ago, yet I'm so angry at the way she treats me when she doesn't get her way. I'm not sure, I can't interpret dreams, but they all didn't sit well with me.

Spring Cleaning: a Sad and Happy Day

2010-04-11T07:12:00.004-06:00

So this week has been happy, sad, depressed, and overjoyed all in one week. Not only am I doing some spring cleaning, getting rid of some clothes and clutter, but I also have to transfer my computer info onto another computer. Not because it's virus ridden, but because it's my sister's computer I was using while she was going to alaska then finally to texas, and now she's back here.

I was so excited to see her and my niece Paydden. She's such a smiley baby. But Kristen's evergrowing attitude has got the best of me. For one, she feels that she's so entitled to all my mom's things, money, pretty much anything and will throw a fit if she doesn't get her way. Instead of just being an adult she says the most evil things.

One day in particular I went to see my mom, of course she'd already called me a effin B for not bring her a pot to make food in. I live across town and she'll never give it back. So I come over and see Paydden smiling away and I say hi. My sister picks her up and goes into the other room. So I tell my mom that I must not be able to hold her anymore and Kristen goes off. So words are exchanged. I try to make her understand that our advice is trying to help her. But she takes it the wrong way and starts to yell at me. So I yell back that her attitude stinks and she needs to try to control that. Yes, I admit, I cussed to.

She proceeds to tell me that if the baby wasn't in her arms she's get up and punch me. So I say, "Put her down then and hit me if it makes you feel better." She does and simply pushed me so I told her if she'd hit me I'd call the cops because at this point she's going psychotic (we later learn she cut off her meds cold turkey). Well I decide Ef it...I'm leaving, but not before she blurts out that I'm jealous cause I'll never have kids with my dead ovaries and poisoned body. This really hurt so I called her a stupid b and left. Now she tells me if I go to my mom's she'll punch me and I'm not allowed over there. Even though my mom pays the rent and my sister doesn't really have a say so. But instead of causing drama I'll just stay away. After all my sister says I'm no longer her family. That will last until she needs something.

It's made my weekend full of sadness and I'm irritable, but nothing I can do. Hopefully she'll come around eventually.

So I'm going to do my cleaning and hang out with my boyfriend and dogs and put myself in a better mood. I have one week of school left and I'm proud of my 4.0 GPA and soon I'll start working, yay. I just feel like if she'd just listen she'd realize the help we're trying to give her. But for now, I'm seperating from her and apparantly from what others have told me I'm not the only one that had to do that to a family member.

2010-01-30T17:04:00.001-07:00

Our video is done! Woohoo. Now let's hope we win. It turned out great.

2010-01-29T15:07:00.001-07:00

I wish there was a drug so wonderful and cheap that made cleaning fun. Or maybe a magic that would clean for you.

Being a student teacher

2010-01-28T14:27:00.004-07:00

This week started a new term in school. The class behind us joined our class, we are Seniors, and they are juniors. So today, we got to teach them phlebotomy. It was very cool. Some of us got upset because we couldn't draw blood today and that it was taking away some of our valuble learning time. However, I see it very different.

Teaching somebody is a wonderful opportunity to see how well you know your stuff. I believe that was the teacher's intention with this task. So I had 3 juniors and here we were learning phlebotomy. I tried my very best to organize my thoughts, after all I'm not the best teacher. So trying not to confuse them I followed a little of the book, but thank god for Shirley (the teacher); she gave us a sheet of general knowledge they must know. They were wonderful students, despite being the ones prone to passing out.

There were several questions on the sheet that I had to look up, but I mostly remembered everything. Needless to say I believe my students did well when they got to poke real people. In fact, the whole class did fairly well. It's amazing how drawing blood can be a hidden talent. Some people are just naturals. It's not singing, or math, but darn it, it's something. (I love to draw blood by the way).

Anyway...that's pretty much it. It was a wonderful experience and made me think about maybe teaching MA or Phlebotomy after a few years of experience under my belt.

The dreaded task of grocery shopping

2010-01-26T17:19:00.000-07:00

I HATE GROCERY SHOPPING!! Unfortunately it's a necessity until I have enough riches to pay to have it delivered. Ooooh...ponder that thought for a moment. Going online, making your grocery list and bam a delivery boy/girl just brings them right to your doorstep. Great for the lazy or really busy person, hermits too.

But I'm poor, so I must make the trek alone. Usually through rush hour traffic on Powers Blvd. Not only must I take this journey every week, but I have to also decide on the many grocery possiblities that I have. Whole Foods, of course number one, but again, I've not the means to shop there, not yet. And after relishing in the wonderful cheapness of Sav-a-lot, but denying my palate quality eats, I have also eliminated them for my store of preference.

Now, considering location (I don't want to travel too far) I have narrowed it down to four. Wal-Mart, Safeway, King Soopers, and Sunflower Market. Although once I got some lamb from Sunflower that tasted rather gamey, and not in a good way. But I'll give them a shot. Some meats can only be purchased at Whole Foods, bummer.

So a couple weeks ago I went to King Soopers after years of going to Wal-Mart and I loved it. It was such a "cute" store, if that could ever be an adjective for a grocery store outside Matchstick, Tennesee. But it was. And very reasonably priced for having a little leway on the budget (so I splurged). The steaks I bought were OMG good.

Sunflower Market however, has really great prices on Wednesday (double coupons), but I hate being restricted to a certain day. At least the others run their specials weekly. Plus Sunflower is far. But they have a WIDE variety of vegetables and fruits. NO LAMB.

Today I went to Safeway, mainly out of convenience. This time, instead of making a half assed list and winging it I looked online and saw all their deals and bought only what was on sale. Not only did I buy enough food for a week, but I also got a little yum yums and spend nearly 50% less than at Wal-Mart.

So I thought to myself. If I want better quality food then even Wal-Mart can provide then I need to "cut coupons" and buy only what is on sale. And when I say "cut coupons" I mean go to their website and check out their deals. It allows you to save all the things you want to a list and when you are done, you just calculate the total, print the list, and begin the journey for yourself. Plus both Safeway and King Soopers has a website for this.

It's becoming a necessity to just go better because Wal-Mart is starting to decrease their variety in all their products. It's the socialism of food, I tell you. But Wal-Mart has it's perks. Household shopping items, electronics, appliances, stuff like that. They should just share non perishable food items, maybe have a deli, kind of like a snack bar. Cosco has that.

Anyway, enough babbling. My suggestion is...If YOU desire better quality meat, vegetables, and a better variety of other things than be a coupon cutter. And I think I'll be a coupon cutter at King Soopers over Safeway because they have a better selection of produce and they keep the freezer ailes in a way that gives me the strength to avoid the bad stuff. Plus I save on gas, which Safeway does too, but the Loaf N Jug on the corner by my house also counts purchases towards points...TWO FOR ONE BABY.

And that is what I think about grocery shopping.

The drama of today

2010-01-20T13:35:00.001-07:00

So, I'm back in school. I'm going for my MA (Medical Asst) certification and I attend a vocational school. Now I realize that it is not a university with all its prestige, but I am getting a good education. I just find it disheartening that there are as many ghetto people at my school as in High School.

Today for example. We are taking a final test in my class, which happens to be near the break room. Another class was taking their break at the time and being extremely loud. My wonderful teacher politely asked them to quiet down a little. Well she had to ask a second time and shut the break room door so their noise wouldn't travel into our room. Well obviously that didn't work because another student walked in and the other group of loud people didn't have the common sense or courtesy to get up and shut the door again.

When my teacher again went to ask to keep the door shut they got an attitude. This big, gold toothed gentleman and his super ghetto side kicks just dished the attitude. When the teacher walked away they flipped her off, well he did. So again the teacher had to go back in there and let them know that it was unprofessional and that we do our best to be respectful of others. These dumb asses couldn't even just hold their tongues. Immediately their ghetto attitudes go the better of them. "Why can't you shut your door", they asked aggressively not realizing that the room is fairly small and it's nice to not have that claustrophobic feeling. Of course they didn't back down and eventually, after another teacher intervened, the matter was closed.

I'm just baffled at how disrespectful those people were, and they are going to work in the medical field? I doubt successfully. The ironic thing is...during their 18 weeks of back office classes they will be in that little room and possibly with the same teacher. LOL idiots.